The burden of toxic masculinity and its effects on men and society as a whole isn’t anything new. Toxic masculinity is the belief that men are to follow a set of attitudes stereotypically associated with or expected of men. Fundamentally, it is the belief that masculinity can be toxic, not that it intrinsically is toxic. The phrase “boys will be boys” is a case of such behavior; the expression is regularly used to describe what some believe to be normal masculine tendencies boys would have, such as being rough or reckless. Boys are exposed to this saying, and are influenced by gender stereotypes that limit everyone every single day. 

Christia S. Brown from Psychology Today discussed the impacts of gendered language and how it led students to engage in more gender-stereotypical thinking. Teachers who said “good morning boys and girls” versus teachers who said “good morning children” are a part of a phenomenon called “stereotype threat”: the impact of internalizing stereotypes about your group and having that impact your academic performance. 

A study affirmed that boys perform better in both reading and writing when stereotype threat was reduced, which implies that students will achieve higher feats when not reminded of the associated stereotypes that come with their group. Gender stereotypes allow unconscious biases to form and impact the decisions students make every day. Such decisions lead to misinformed thinking and oversimplify the problem. 

The phrase “boys will be boys” glosses over aggressive behavior boys exhibit and connects these behaviors to biological impulses without examining other rationales for the aggressive behavior. It is also used to justify schoolyard bullying and causes many adults to accept abhorrent behavior as natural. According to Laura Geggel, blog writer of Live Science, we should not condemn this behavior in adolescent boys because aggression will conceivably increase over time. Behaviors of toxic masculinity can range from extreme self-reliance to avoidance of emotional expression. Research even shows that men who earn less than their wives are more likely to engage in acts of domestic violence and infidelity. 

Expressions like “boys will be boys” teach children that certain behaviors are exclusive to boys. The media tries to perpetuate this belief that males and females are very different, but it is not supported by a majority of research, and we need to be able to talk about children’s behavior in more complex ways that do not confine them to harmful expectations. 

Society should consider how masculine norms are taught and reinforced and how gender inequalities show themselves in the lives of both men and women. As a community, we can change the expectations and fight against the idea that violence is a natural expression for men. We should provide boys and men with nonviolent conflict resolution skills and strain the importance of being able to handle conflict nonviolently. 

As it comes to addressing toxic masculinity, it is a constant process that requires personal accountability. We need to do more than discourage and criticize substandard behavior as bystanders, and it is up to each individual to do better. It is the responsibility of adults in power to encourage healthy behaviors as well. Admonishing children without explanation is as good as punishing a dog without helping it establishing good habits. We owe it to both men and boys to catalyze a difference in society for upcoming generations.